if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
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