I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
