her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
