i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
