I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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