you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
