GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
