bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
