My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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