she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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