she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
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