Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
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