My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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