Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
