You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
