Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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