i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
