hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
