Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
