She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
