my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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