I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Woke up backwards on a recliner
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
