i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
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