How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
