I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
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