once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
