new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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