so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
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