Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I look better un-naked...
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
