it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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