dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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