My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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