I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
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