google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
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