i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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