I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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