I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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