you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
