so that wasnt chicken after all
another moral hangover. fuck.
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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