just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
tequila makes me forget i have legs
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Randomize
