you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Randomize
