You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
