So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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