we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
