My first STD was from a foam party
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
