Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Randomize
