You can't special order awesome
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
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