Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
