I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
