and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
