The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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