No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Randomize
