god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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