Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Randomize
