Clothes are such an inconvenience.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
