Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
